I was doing some shopping for some clothes at the largest mall in america and happened to make a purchase at what could be considered an upscale clothing store. While removing the tags from my newly purchased jeans, I read an attached tag/micro book that took me a little off guard. The following are some excerpts from "a pants romance" written by Chip Kidd:
I could feel my zipper being opened. They weren't in any rush. It was like the slow peal of distant brass bells, a bright metallic cascade of desire. I hear one of them say, "The whole point of seduction is to get it over with as slowly as possible." The other one seemed to hesiate, then said, "Nice jeans. They'll look great on the bedroom floor." A sly finger in one of my loops. Then a pair of hands in my back pockets. I was drawn into something more urgent. It was hard to see anything in the smooth, surrounding caress of denim and the flesh it concealed. Those hands softly shaped the question that never needs an answer...
...On the bed above me, there are huge movements. Continental plates shift and grind. The tides surge and withdraw. Whispers that wander like winds in the tree-tops. A giggle's sky-strewn coment. A sharp intake of breath...
...Do I like lying on the floor, thrown aside like an afterthought, a nuisance? I do. I do. I lie here waiting for them. I lie here and have my own dreams.
Although this bit of prose was very well written, is its presence needed on a pair of blue jeans? Mr. Kidd should consider selling his work to more appreciative audiences. I expect this sort of morality in other works, but not attached to a pair of pants. Not only is this writing encouraging causual romances, it is advertising that the jeans pocess special powers that were only previously held by Casanova himself. If this was indeed true, of course my closet would be lined soley with this brand. But since I have test drove these pants, the powers appear to be falsely advertised.
See Mike, your problem is that you bought jeans at what you thought was an upscale clothing store. If you buy jeans from some place like Goodwill you won't get stories attached to your jeans. As a matter of fact, you can create a unique story for that pair of jeans. Huh, green quarter.
You assume too much. There's nothing in that story that indicates a casual romance. Perhaps the couple are two grandparents celebrating their 67th anniversary. Furthermore, the jeans never claim to have any romantic power. They are strewn on the floor, out of the lover's site. If they were an object of desire, wouldn't they have remained part of the action? Remember, one wears jeans to cover our legs. To engage in carnal deeds, our legs often need to be freed. Doing so requires the adjustment of the zipper. Physical cuddling will often result in hands on a partner's rear end and slipping a finger inside a belt loop a subtle indication of affection. These are the norm and likely the same results you would also experience even if you followed Cam's shopping recommendations.
Remember, jeans sold in so-called upscale clothing stores are the works of the successful marketer who has convinced you that the $100 pair of jeans are in some way superior to those $20 jeans. So throwing in a story to uphold their pompous status seems justified. Pick up a copy of the New Yorker on your way out and don't forget to get a pair of whatever shoes are the trend of the moment.